WEANING - Oh, God, the weaning!
In September of 2005 my weaning began. My endo was without empathy and that didn't help. But that aside, weaning is a challenge. It seems ironic that the very thing that makes us sick in large doses in the first place - CORTISOL - is the very thing that causes such pain and agony when the dose is dropped.
Plain and simple, weaning sucks! Just about the time your body adjusts to the lower level, just about the time you stop vomiting and shaking, just about the time your body (even your hair) stops hurting, just about the time you feel like you might live again - the doctor drops the does again and it starts all over!
My doctor told me that what I was going through was similar to what a drug addict goes through every time he dropped my dose. It was hell. I spent many nights shaking, fevered, vomiting. Followed by days of intense pain and lots of emotional lows.
I also got the endo's ok to start some aqua therapy around that same time. I was excited to start the therapy. I remember the day my husband and I visited the aqua therapy pool and met the therapist. Despite my excitement to get going, I was overwhelmed by the work that lay ahead of me. While getting the tour of the facility, I had to excuse myself. My husband found me sitting in the hallway sobbing. I was overwhelmed, scared and emotionally spent. My hormones were out of whack, my body hadn't recovered like I thought it would, and all I could see was the negative. I remember him sitting with me and assuring me that I could do it and that it would be a good thing. And it was. I would recommend aqua therapy to anyone recovering and rehabilitation after Cushings. But, that didn't mean it was any easier at the time. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done.
Keeping my spirits up and remaining positive took work.
To illustrate my frame of mind at the time and the efforts that I made to be positive, here is an email that I wrote and sent to friends on September 12, 2005:
Hi friends!
I am having a really rough time right now. I feel awful! (Medication withdrawls) I was talking with my Cushing's support group this morning about recent tragedies. There are so many events that have caused pain and suffering in the past couple years. So many images that will be with each of us forever. Whether they be acts of god, or events caused by hate, none is more tragic than the other. The result is LOSS, PAIN, SUFFERING and HURT.
As my thoughts and prayers went to those "effected" by the events of 9/11, it occurred to me that each of us...not just Americans, but each HUMAN on this earth should feel "affected" by the events that happen around us. That is what makes us human. And HELPING is what makes us KIND.
No matter what the event, it seems that education and sharing of information is vital to help prevent the recurrence, or help ease the disastrous outcome of any such event. By each of us sharing our lives, our thoughts and watching out for each - we stay informed and reminded that we are loved.
So, that being said, I realized that I needed to stop dwelling on the negative in my own life. Most importantly, I needed to be sure to tell those I love and cherish how much they mean to me. That brings me joy and happiness!
As my thoughts and prayers went to those "effected" by the events of 9/11, it occurred to me that each of us...not just Americans, but each HUMAN on this earth should feel "affected" by the events that happen around us. That is what makes us human. And HELPING is what makes us KIND.
No matter what the event, it seems that education and sharing of information is vital to help prevent the recurrence, or help ease the disastrous outcome of any such event. By each of us sharing our lives, our thoughts and watching out for each - we stay informed and reminded that we are loved.
So, that being said, I realized that I needed to stop dwelling on the negative in my own life. Most importantly, I needed to be sure to tell those I love and cherish how much they mean to me. That brings me joy and happiness!
A simple "Hi", or "I'm thinking of you" means so much. In learning from my step-sister-in-laws example - (she, who has sent weekly cards of encouragement and well wishes since I became sick that I CHERISH) - I am sending my love to all of you. I want you to know that each of you are so important to me.
My hope is that you will take a moment to reach out - a call - a note - an email - Tell someone that could use a "pick-me up," or just someone that you care about that you love them. It is so easy to bring love and light into someones life, but somehow we always just assume they know. Don't make that assumption. Don't regret not saying the simple things that really make a difference.
Sending my thoughts and prayers to "ALL" of us that continue on - fighting - whether it be a worldwide event, a natural disaster, or a personal battle with whatever ails our bodies and souls.
Share your love - Send a smile! It is so easy!
Much love,
~Autumn
No comments:
Post a Comment