Surgery Scheduled

I recall meeting with the surgeon.  My anxiety was through the roof.  The tumor was putting so much pressure on my optic nerve that I couldn't see anything.  It was like looking through panes of running water.  Shortly after we began the consultation, the surgeon was called out of the room briefly.  I remember grabbing Doug and demanding that he tell me about the Doctor - Does he look like a freak?  Is he shaky? Does he look normal?  Would you let him cut into your head?  It was an odd sensation to know that I couldn't make a visual asessment of someone who I needed to trust with my life. 

Right after meeting the surgeon, we had a surgery date because of the severity of my case.  One day shortly after we met with the surgeon the severity of it all hit me like a ton of bricks.  Oddly, I was able to calmly understand the importance of getting my "affairs" in order.  I had someone help me prepare for the worst case senario.  I had a Living Will and a Last Will and Testament drafted.  I also wrote letters to a handful of people that I would want distributed should I not wake from surgery.  It was a very sobering experience.  Facing your mortality is life-altering, but it was time to move forward because there was no other option. 

This was an update email that Doug send out a couple weeks before my surgery. It seems odd to read it now. It sounds so "vanilla" and without emotion, but I remember the turmoil so clearly. I was so sick. My body was giving out. I had lost my vision. I was alone all day in bed. I was unable to stand long enough to take a shower. I couldn't hold my arms up long enough to brush my teeth. I was scared and worries and so ready to just be done with it all.  This is what he said: 

Email dated May 31, 2005 from Doug:

We just wanted to give you another update on Autumn's
status.

We met with the neurosurgeon last Thursday. He set
the date for surgery - June 10th @ 2pm, Immanuel
Hospital in Omaha.

There will actually be 2 surgeons conducting the
surgery - Dr. Greene (the neurosurgeon) and Dr.
Sherred (an Ear, Nose and Throat surgeon). The
surgery consists of making an incision inside her
upper lip, just below the nose. A microscope is
inserted through the incision into the nasal cavity.
They will then go back to the pituitary gland to
remove the adenoma. Once the tumor is removed, the
E.N.T surgeon will then sew up her nose and lip.

While the surgery is somewhat complex, it shouldn't
take an extensive amount of time. Also, Dr. Greene
said he performs approx. 10 of these procedures per
year, although not all of them are specific to
Cushing's Disease.

There is a bit of a risk of spinal fluid leakage after
the tumor is removed b/c the pituitary gland is so
close to the spinal cap. To help prevent leakage,
they will remove some excess fatty tissue (Autumn
would like them to take ALL fatty tissue!!) and place
it in the void left where the tumor was removed. If
that doesn't work and leakage still occurs, it can be
corrected with a 2nd surgery.

There is also the risk that not all of the abnormal
cells are removed. This can be corrected with a
another surgery or with chemotherapy.

Autumn will be in the hospital for 3-4 days after the
surgery.

In the meantime, a few new symptoms have popped up but
overall her condition hasn't changed much. She is a
little scared and very anxious for the surgery. She
is ready to be done with this crappy little disease!

I think that's all for now.
Hope you are doing well,
Doug