A newbie to the support group asked today if anyone suffered from issues remembering things. Sadly, I could quickly reply that I knew that all too well. At times I can laugh...but others it makes me sad. My brain has graciously spared me some ugly memories - i.e. my surgery. But, stolen from me some very precious ones - i.e. my wedding. And then, along the way, my brain has simply given me fits or left black holes in places of my life. Let me share some examples with you:
#1: TINY HICUUPS - My brain output would, and sometimes still does, regularly confuse words and their proper places of my speech. I would say words in sentences that didn't even fit - like: "Could you please pass the watermelon." - when I meant to say, "Could you please pass me the scissors." The funny part is that "I" am not usually the one to catch the "hiccup." I probably would never know that I have substituted a wrong word if it wasn't for the funny look that people around me get on their faces. I am all too familiar with that look....and I know immediately that I have inserted an inappropriate word somewhere in my dialog. Most of the time I am able to "giggle it off" and no one seems to mind too much. But it embarrasses me terribly. I hate thinking that I am less than articulate and that I sounds stupid. But, LETTING GO is a lesson one has no choice but to learn on this journey!
#2: LITTLE HICUUPS: Sometimes simple tasks get crossed. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to catch these mistakes and there are no witnesses around - i.e. I go to pick up the phone and find a half gallon of milk in the cradle...and yes, upon opening the fridge to return the milk, I find the phone sitting on the shelf. One time., I was sitting in the living room when all the sudden the washing machine started making a terrible noise. I ran upstairs and threw open the lid to find my hand garden tools submerged in water. I couldn't imagine what the "H.E.Double Hockey Sticks" was going on. I removed them and dried them and then went out to the shed to put them away. When I opened the door to the shed, on the shelf, I found my load of dirty laundry sitting there where the hand tools should have been! I often wonder how many times this type of thing has happened that I have been completely unaware of. Still a lesson in LETTING GO!
#3: NOT SO LITTLE MISSING MOMENTS: Sometimes the holes are larger than I would like to admit. About a year after my surgery, while battling my long term disability, things got stressful. We were relying on my disability to simply exist. There was no extra and the "ends" didn't even come close to meeting. (but that is an entirely different topic). As I mentioned, my communication with my case rep. was vital. One Monday morning, I had a very important, stressful, detailed 30 minute conversation with my case rep to straighten out some medical records and other issues that my check was dependent on. After my call, I called my husband to tell him about it. Then, 20 minutes or so later, I picked up the phone, dialed my case rep and left a dreadfully rude message detailing my irritation with no one taking the time to speak with me. I was fuming. I called my husband at work and left him a message to let him know that I had left an irate message for my case rep. Later when my husband received not only my message, but a very confused message from my case rep, he called me at home. You can only imagine the confusion that I felt as i didn't remember ANY of the first interactions. it was like they didn't exist at all in my mind. I was humiliated. But, what do you do? Practice LETTING GO!
I must admit that my lessons in LETTING GO are continual...and some of them have been bigger than others...and some have been pretty funny!
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